The Death of Civility/An Argument for Wearing a Tie

There was a time, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, when men dressed for dinner in a fine dining restaurant, wearing ties and jackets, and well polished shoes made of fine leather that would last for years. They were freshly shaved; their hair shone with pomade. Women wore dresses and hose, and had their hair and nails done. When those same people went to the theater, it was an event of epic proportions -- they wore their finery, beginning the evening with a proper cocktail and dinner, and ending it with an après theater libation.

Back then, if you showed up at a restaurant lacking tie and jacket, you were either turned away, or offered an outfit from a closet filled with clothing that made you look like Bozo the Clown on his night off. The humiliation usually worked; you didn’t show up poorly dressed again.

Back then, children said sir and ma’am. Store clerks offered to help you out with your groceries. Airlines did not make you take off your shoes, and use machines that left you shamelessly naked on their screens. Nor did airlines try to charge you for carry-on luggage. The world was a kinder, friendlier place. And no one, but no one, ever told the President of the United States – “You lie!”

Is there actually a connection between wearing a tie and common decency? Perhaps – and perhaps not. This may be a classic example of reductio ad absurdum. But it was no less a luminary than Mark Twain who observed that, “Clothes make the man.” (His full quote is: “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”)

Can it not be argued, fairly, that in a society where the social contract is intact -- where we agree to dress well for a lunch at, say, Marea on Central Park South, where a recent table was attired in worn jeans, t-shirts and sneakers -- that manners (and the corollary of common decency) will be observed, even venerated.

Many years ago, a man of much wisdom observed to me, during a strenuous argument, that there are certain things a man does not say to another man. Like Joe Wilson, I had said to him, “You lie!” I had erred. His point was well taken – civil discourse should never devolve into name-calling, into innuendo – or into Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito rudely shaking his head while the President spoke.

We have reached a point in our civilization where manners are a forgotten virtue. It is, I would hope, not too late. The trim tab is small – but it can change the course of a mighty ship. My suggestion – go into your closet, take out a clean white shirt, knot a tie, slip on a jacket. Then, go out to dinner. You’ll be amazed by how empowered you feel. A simple sliver of silk may be all it takes…to save the world.

--Merrill Shindler